I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
