i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
