okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
