Barsexuality is the new black.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
