6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
