I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
