No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
