Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
