fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
