what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
