I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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