Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
