please come you make the beer taste better
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
