This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
