1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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