you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
