We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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