glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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