we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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