Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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