I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
