I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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