make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
