I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
