This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
