We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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