I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
