Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
