It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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