Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
