Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
