You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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