forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
