There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize