I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
