I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
