someone threw a dead crab at me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
