I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
