tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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