She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
