Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize