guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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