im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
