what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
dude. I can hear the air.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize