What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
