you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
