I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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