Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
