Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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