I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
