White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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