In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
