He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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