seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How external is "for external use only"?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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