Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
