He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
