So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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