So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
