Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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