1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
