you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
