We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize