My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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