it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
