My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize