we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
