i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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