hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
