My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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