Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
