what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
