Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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